PORK PIES!

With thanks and apologies to Long-Suffering-Reader-Of-The-Blog-Paul.

Long-suffering readers of the blog will know I’m a huge fan of nineties British indie music. So, I was thrilled when a hot, skinny boy who looks good in an Adidas tracksuit came onto the stage this week.

jk! It's Satan! | Senior aide to the prime minister, Dominic Cummings, at the Conservative Party Conference at the Manchester Convention Centre.
Damon Albarn, yesterday

PORK PIES
(Dominic Cummings ft. Blur)

Confidence is a preference for the habitual teller of what is known as
PORK PIES!
And resignation can be avoided if you take a route straight through using what are known as
PORK PIES!
Johnson’s got brewer’s droop, he gets intimidated by my dead affectless eyes –
He loves a bit of it!
PORK PIES!
Who’s that gut lord marching?
You should get some manky athleisurewear, pretend to exercise!

Dominic Cummings in a tracksuit | The Mekon fails to go unnoticed among the humans
Mother, I seem to have left an important part of my brain somewhere in a field in Teesdale

All the people
So many people
They can’t walk hand-in-hand
All because of your pork pies

[Affects northeast, I’m-one-of-you, accent]

YER KNA WHAT A MEAN?

Jeez, Gazza's looking a bit rough | Boris Johnson in an England football strip playing Germany in a charity match
“What about – I say, what about <HARRUMPH> the Toon?
HOWAY THE LADS!”

I get up when I want, except when I’m ill when I don’t get up and am not ill and do get up
PORK PIES!
I put my lanyard on, have a cup of tea and I think about going for a drive
PORK PIES!
I walk about 10 to 15 metres from the car to the river bank nearby.
I sit there for about 15 minutes
PORK PIES!
And then I’m happy for the rest of the day
Safe in the knowledge that I can drive the 250 miles back to London

Dominic Cummings checks his eyesight | Mr Magoo drives his car over a fire hydrant, into a crane and onto a rollercoaster
Have you ever had your eyes checked?
No, they’ve always been dead and affectless

All the people
So many people
They can’t walk hand-in-hand
All because of your pork pies

Pork pies
PORK PIES!
Pork pies
PORK PIES!

It’s got nothing to do with my wife’s birthday, yer kna?
PORK PIES!
PORK PIES!

And it’s not about you mugs in flats sitting around and around and around

PORK PIES!
PORK PIES!

Seven victims of the Covid-19 Coronavirus | Television's The Royle Family gathered on and around the couch.
When’s he coming out?
Dunno. I think it’s some kind of power play.

All the people
So many people
They can’t walk hand-in-hand
All because of your pork pies

All the people
So many people
They can’t walk hand-in-hand
All because of your pork pies

Tom Cruise in Top Gun (1986) | Dominic Cummings confronts the press outside his home, wielding various children's toys: a football, a bike and a helmet.
“DIE, PROLES!”
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