Category Archives: Politics

Tusk

I haven’t written much on the blog recently that’s directly about Brexit. Partly, the reason is that I’m continually hearing news stories and vox pops and politicians and business leaders on the radio banging on about it and I’m thinking –

Why do I keep hearing about this? What has this got to do with me? Why does this affect anyone I know?

Then I remember and I’m absolutely furious.

But, hey. Brexit isn’t all bad…

[Read on to find out the good stuff. But first, check out the Apoplexy Tiny Letter]

Continue reading Tusk
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A Year In Review – Pt.1

Time is social. Harvests. Day and night. Diurnal clocks. Biorhythms and cycles. All that mushy wetware bio stuff I never learned but is real.

Long-suffering reader of the blog paul

The winter solstice was on Friday, and now we’re beginning the long dig out towards the long evenings of summer. So, as is traditional, let’s sit down in front of a big gold piano and reflect on the year.

Blap-Blap-Blap, beotches!
Yaas, Kween!

January (1)

As the annus horribilis that was 2018 dragged to an end, it seemed that 2019 could only be better. The Queen’s appeal that we put divisions behind us and simply make the best of what we had seemed like it was going to usher in an annus mirabilis as the newly refitted HMS Britannia prepared to begin its buccaneering voyage across an expectant world.

At home, Theresa May announced that she would be combining her passions of hiking and hating immigrants Doing Her Duty to the country by meeting the Hard-Working People of Our Precious Union™️ at the top of the highest peaks in each of Scotland, England, Wales and Northern Ireland.

“Theresa, do you remember that lovely new visitors’ centre atop Mount Snowdon?”

After the unexpected cancellation of the Mays’ trip to Snowdonia in Wales, they set off for Ben Nevis in Scotland in traditional wear for the English visitor on a day trip to the Scottish mountains – Theresa in leopard-print kitten heel hiking boots, and Dishy Philip in his preferred Savile Row suit and hipster glasses. As May Maynia gripped the country, enthusiastic Scots began their trek up the mountain…

January (2)

After the disappearance of the Mays in Glen Nevis, another popular favourite had to take to the House of Commons to announce the delay of the Meaningful Vote on the outcome of the UK’s Brexit negotiations with the European Union.

“The Government intends to proceed with the meaningful vote as soon as the Prime Minister is able to return to this Place” – Deputy Prime Minister David Lidington

Then, just as it seemed that the fabric of British society would rupture notwithstanding the desires of the Queen, the people were united by the empathy engendered by the release of the paperback of an astonishing new memoir on 22nd January…

Unflinching, mate.
“Are you sure that every word in this Year in Review is true?”

February

As the search for the Mays continued, questions began to be asked about the costs that were being incurred. Secretary of State for Scotland David Mundell indicated that he would resign if the costs of the rescue operation exceeded £30,000.

When it was pointed out that Mundell had previously backtracked on promises to resign relating to Brexit outcomes for the Common Fisheries Policy and differentiation for Northern Ireland, he upped the ante considerably.

The Viceroy speaks
“Let me be absolutely clear: In the event I don’t resign, I’ll resign.”

March

As Brexit-related turmoil continued, Gatwick Airport entered its fourth month of flight cancellation. After police had announced in December that the drone that had caused 140,000 passengers to be stranded at the airport simultaneously:

  • had been discovered; and
  • had never existed

it emerged that Gatwick itself had never existed. The so-called airport was merely a hoax conjured by mentalist and illusionist Derren Brown. Each of the 140,000 stranded “passengers” was in fact a paid actor. Brown himself had travelled in time to turn-of-the-century Ohio to deliver the plans for powered flight to the Wright brothers, Orville and Wilbur.

Derren Brown and Wilbur Wright, 1903

Meanwhile, popular favourite David Lidington returned to the House of Commons to update the country on the status of Brexit.

Go on then, you draw David Lidington from memory.
“We must honour the PM by effecting the moment of her greatest triumph on 29 March, 2019”

To be continued…

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Political Football

In recent days, I’ve been cutting down on my consumption of BBC Radio. I think that it’s incumbent upon the responsible citizen to keep themselves informed so they can participate in democracy, but I’m increasingly unsure that listening to Today or Good Morning Scotland or The World At One or PM is a good way to do that. Particularly now Eddie Mair has moved on.

Stick with me – there’s fitba and a bangin choon at the end of this one
Check the Apoplexy Tiny Letter for a soundtrack to keep you going to the bottom of the page.
Continue reading Political Football

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Open Hand

We’re thinking of going to pick up a new desk tomorrow. One of those ones that incorporates the wall into its structure, and folds flat into the wall when it’s not in use.

Don't you tell me to calm down, Wiinner
“Calm down, dear. You’re getting a bit ‘A Room of My Own‘”

Sorry, Michael. I’m going somewhere with this.

[Find out if I’m bluffing below. But first, check out the Apoplexy Newsletter.] Continue reading Open Hand

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Life Is Life

So, in last week’s post I had a little laugh at the expense of Sir Bradley Marc Wiggins, Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire.

"That's quite lovely!"
“Dude! We’re in charge of naming British titles!”

Then I learned some new stuff. It’s good to learn new stuff. So, why not read on?

[And “Learn” “New” “Stuff” at the Apoplexy Newsletter!]

Continue reading Life Is Life

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Digesta Plaga #11

Hooray! It’s the long-anticipated return of the stroke news digest!

"When Wall Street took that tail spin, you had to stand in line to get a window to jump out of!"
Hold on – wasn’t that for Stroke Bloke leaving New York?

There have been some interesting stroke stories in the news this week, and I’d like to share them with you…

[Read on, and don’t forget to check out the Apoplexy Newsletter.] Continue reading Digesta Plaga #11

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Prime Time

1.  PRIME

I’ve been thinking a lot about Muriel Spark this week. More specifically, a Miss Jean Brodie in her prime.

So much for the creme de la creme!
I think that you’ll find I’m *currently* in my prime, Mr Stroke Bloke. Five points from Ravenclaw!

[Want to know what song to listen to while reading this week’s post?
Check out the Apoplexy Tiny Letter.
] Continue reading Prime Time

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Kicking Boys

So, wow. Last week’s post was kinda prescient, wasn’t it?

It turns out Moz really is a bit of a monster.

But it's pretty easy to hate the things Moz says
“It takes guts to be gentle and kind”

I should have known he’d have something unhelpful to say on the subject. Devious, truculent, and unreliable, right enough.

[We don’t need to talk about Moz. Let’s career off in a different direction…] Continue reading Kicking Boys

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Twin Peaks

Mrs Stroke Bloke and I finished binge-watching the two original seasons of Twin Peaks last night. Don’t worry, I’m not going to get into the minutiae – you know, spoilers. you’ve either seen it or you haven’t.  And if you have, the odds are you probably got as far as we did back in the Nineties. i.e., not very far.

“Not very FAR?!?!”

[Killer BOB politely suggests that you plough on through this blog post, though.] Continue reading Twin Peaks

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Antepenultimatum III

We pick up the story after our hero and key to the secrets of graphic design, logos, and intellectual property (Tristram Hunt, for it is he) has twice submitted his name unsuccessfully for selection as a Labour parliamentary candidate…

The Return of Man at C&A
“I got yer click-bait right here, Sexy”

After being parachuted out of New Labour’s Milbank Palace into a safe seat in Stoke, the biographer of Engels and picket line-crosser spent five years slashing Labour’s majority before letting it be known that he would be giving up the seat at a time when the Labour Party and Jeremy Corbyn were at their most embattled.

[Can’t get enough of that PHWOAR!!! factor? Get your Apoplexy Tiny Letter here.] Continue reading Antepenultimatum III

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