Category Archives: Current Affairs

A Personal History Of Creation

After King Rocker the other week, Mrs Stroke Bloke indulged me by sitting through Creation Stories, a biopic of sorts about Creation Records main man, Alan McGee.

Creation Records plays a big part in my, er, origin story, as indirectly noted by an old school friend.

[The Apoplexy Tiny Letter is hiding the best song associated with Creation Stories]

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Disappointment

The Wee Man objects to my musical taste. Fair enough. If your three-year-old is waxing lyrical about Arab Strap’s marvellous return, he’s got problems. But not as many as he’s got in store for you.

So, when I’m listening to 6Music/something from 1991/Britain’s slide into fascism*, the demands from the back seat begin.

“80s MUSIC!!!”

The Wee Man, 2021

[Check out the reliably disappointing Apoplexy Tiny Letter]

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PORK PIES!

With thanks and apologies to Long-Suffering-Reader-Of-The-Blog-Paul.

Long-suffering readers of the blog will know I’m a huge fan of nineties British indie music. So, I was thrilled when a hot, skinny boy who looks good in an Adidas tracksuit came onto the stage this week.

jk! It's Satan! | Senior aide to the prime minister, Dominic Cummings, at the Conservative Party Conference at the Manchester Convention Centre.
Damon Albarn, yesterday

PORK PIES
(Dominic Cummings ft. Blur)

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Sloganeering

If you’ve been sitting at home for the past few weeks with the Netflix going, you may be aware that we’ve been living in a new Golden Age of Television for some time.

Are we also living in a new Golden Age of Sloganeering?

Dude. You're wearing that facemask all wrong | The bandaged traffic warden from 1984 BBC apocalyptic drama Threads
STAY HOME | PROTECT THE NHS | SAVE LIVES

[Check out YOUR SUPER SOARAWAY Apoplexy Tiny Letter]

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Television/The Strokes

You know, I was just going to do one more post about COVID-19 and then move on. Something technical about its link to strokes.

Partly because, Do you want to read another hot take on the Coronavirus? Partly because I’m so angry about what’s going on, I figured if I did yet another one after a few more days had passed, I’d probably bust one of my brain aneurysms.

Then Boris Johnson did his thing on the telly.

[Usually I’d suggest that you check out the Apoplexy Tiny Letter for some light relief, but…]

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Killing Time

Do you remember early April? Were you there?

Cast your mind back – it was the days leading up to Easter, and nobody knew what was next for us all…

As will become clear over the coming days and weeks, the narrative is being established. If Johnson pulls through his mild persistent illness, it’s because he’s gutsier than you and anyone you’ve ever loved who has died…

Staying Alive – apoplectic.me, 8 April 2020

Well, guess what…?

Blockzilla. Y'know, from Numberblocks. The Wee Man's favourite show. Yep, pretty self indulgent.
He hath riseneth!

[You know, the apoplectic.me Tiny Letter probably makes more sense…]

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Staying Alive

Yeah, so…

Yeah, he's seen his future in Top Gear
I picked this gif because in the still image from right at the start of this loop, Joey looks terrified

I’ve noticed a lot of writers on my social media talking about how hard it is to get any writing done, what with everything that’s going on, and I thought that it might be an interesting exercise for me and for me – to examine how that’s working out here in this household. And see what insights that might provide me about how I’m doin.

But let’s quickly get all that out of the road —

[There’s more anomie and bonhomie over in the Apoplexy Tiny Letter.]

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Truth Hides

Back once again (at last)

I was in the supermarket today, and the first thing I saw was a pile of pizzas for LESS THAN HALF PRICE!!! Simultaneously, I had two thoughts:

  1. That must be actually true. They couldn’t get away with it otherwise.
  2. Or have they just gone for such a brazen lie that I’m going to think, That must be actually true. They couldn’t get away with it otherwise?

Then I thought, I doubt Goebbels runs the marketing here; let’s just buy a pizza.

[That’ll take ten minutes to heat up. Check out the Apoplexy Newsletter while you wait.]

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Tusk

I haven’t written much on the blog recently that’s directly about Brexit. Partly, the reason is that I’m continually hearing news stories and vox pops and politicians and business leaders on the radio banging on about it and I’m thinking –

Why do I keep hearing about this? What has this got to do with me? Why does this affect anyone I know?

Then I remember and I’m absolutely furious.

But, hey. Brexit isn’t all bad…

[Read on to find out the good stuff. But first, check out the Apoplexy Tiny Letter]

Continue reading Tusk
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A Year In Review – Pt.1

Time is social. Harvests. Day and night. Diurnal clocks. Biorhythms and cycles. All that mushy wetware bio stuff I never learned but is real.

Long-suffering reader of the blog paul

The winter solstice was on Friday, and now we’re beginning the long dig out towards the long evenings of summer. So, as is traditional, let’s sit down in front of a big gold piano and reflect on the year.

Blap-Blap-Blap, beotches!
Yaas, Kween!

January (1)

As the annus horribilis that was 2018 dragged to an end, it seemed that 2019 could only be better. The Queen’s appeal that we put divisions behind us and simply make the best of what we had seemed like it was going to usher in an annus mirabilis as the newly refitted HMS Britannia prepared to begin its buccaneering voyage across an expectant world.

At home, Theresa May announced that she would be combining her passions of hiking and hating immigrants Doing Her Duty to the country by meeting the Hard-Working People of Our Precious Union™️ at the top of the highest peaks in each of Scotland, England, Wales and Northern Ireland.

“Theresa, do you remember that lovely new visitors’ centre atop Mount Snowdon?”

After the unexpected cancellation of the Mays’ trip to Snowdonia in Wales, they set off for Ben Nevis in Scotland in traditional wear for the English visitor on a day trip to the Scottish mountains – Theresa in leopard-print kitten heel hiking boots, and Dishy Philip in his preferred Savile Row suit and hipster glasses. As May Maynia gripped the country, enthusiastic Scots began their trek up the mountain…

January (2)

After the disappearance of the Mays in Glen Nevis, another popular favourite had to take to the House of Commons to announce the delay of the Meaningful Vote on the outcome of the UK’s Brexit negotiations with the European Union.

“The Government intends to proceed with the meaningful vote as soon as the Prime Minister is able to return to this Place” – Deputy Prime Minister David Lidington

Then, just as it seemed that the fabric of British society would rupture notwithstanding the desires of the Queen, the people were united by the empathy engendered by the release of the paperback of an astonishing new memoir on 22nd January…

Unflinching, mate.
“Are you sure that every word in this Year in Review is true?”

February

As the search for the Mays continued, questions began to be asked about the costs that were being incurred. Secretary of State for Scotland David Mundell indicated that he would resign if the costs of the rescue operation exceeded £30,000.

When it was pointed out that Mundell had previously backtracked on promises to resign relating to Brexit outcomes for the Common Fisheries Policy and differentiation for Northern Ireland, he upped the ante considerably.

The Viceroy speaks
“Let me be absolutely clear: In the event I don’t resign, I’ll resign.”

March

As Brexit-related turmoil continued, Gatwick Airport entered its fourth month of flight cancellation. After police had announced in December that the drone that had caused 140,000 passengers to be stranded at the airport simultaneously:

  • had been discovered; and
  • had never existed

it emerged that Gatwick itself had never existed. The so-called airport was merely a hoax conjured by mentalist and illusionist Derren Brown. Each of the 140,000 stranded “passengers” was in fact a paid actor. Brown himself had travelled in time to turn-of-the-century Ohio to deliver the plans for powered flight to the Wright brothers, Orville and Wilbur.

Derren Brown and Wilbur Wright, 1903

Meanwhile, popular favourite David Lidington returned to the House of Commons to update the country on the status of Brexit.

Go on then, you draw David Lidington from memory.
“We must honour the PM by effecting the moment of her greatest triumph on 29 March, 2019”

To be continued…

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