Category Archives: Current Affairs

Truth Hides

Back once again (at last)

I was in the supermarket today, and the first thing I saw was a pile of pizzas for LESS THAN HALF PRICE!!! Simultaneously, I had two thoughts:

  1. That must be actually true. They couldn’t get away with it otherwise.
  2. Or have they just gone for such a brazen lie that I’m going to think, That must be actually true. They couldn’t get away with it otherwise?

Then I thought, I doubt Goebbels runs the marketing here; let’s just buy a pizza.

[That’ll take ten minutes to heat up. Check out the Apoplexy Newsletter while you wait.]

Continue reading Truth Hides
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Tusk

I haven’t written much on the blog recently that’s directly about Brexit. Partly, the reason is that I’m continually hearing news stories and vox pops and politicians and business leaders on the radio banging on about it and I’m thinking –

Why do I keep hearing about this? What has this got to do with me? Why does this affect anyone I know?

Then I remember and I’m absolutely furious.

But, hey. Brexit isn’t all bad…

[Read on to find out the good stuff. But first, check out the Apoplexy Tiny Letter]

Continue reading Tusk
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A Year In Review – Pt.1

Time is social. Harvests. Day and night. Diurnal clocks. Biorhythms and cycles. All that mushy wetware bio stuff I never learned but is real.

Long-suffering reader of the blog paul

The winter solstice was on Friday, and now we’re beginning the long dig out towards the long evenings of summer. So, as is traditional, let’s sit down in front of a big gold piano and reflect on the year.

Blap-Blap-Blap, beotches!
Yaas, Kween!

January (1)

As the annus horribilis that was 2018 dragged to an end, it seemed that 2019 could only be better. The Queen’s appeal that we put divisions behind us and simply make the best of what we had seemed like it was going to usher in an annus mirabilis as the newly refitted HMS Britannia prepared to begin its buccaneering voyage across an expectant world.

At home, Theresa May announced that she would be combining her passions of hiking and hating immigrants Doing Her Duty to the country by meeting the Hard-Working People of Our Precious Union™️ at the top of the highest peaks in each of Scotland, England, Wales and Northern Ireland.

“Theresa, do you remember that lovely new visitors’ centre atop Mount Snowdon?”

After the unexpected cancellation of the Mays’ trip to Snowdonia in Wales, they set off for Ben Nevis in Scotland in traditional wear for the English visitor on a day trip to the Scottish mountains – Theresa in leopard-print kitten heel hiking boots, and Dishy Philip in his preferred Savile Row suit and hipster glasses. As May Maynia gripped the country, enthusiastic Scots began their trek up the mountain…

January (2)

After the disappearance of the Mays in Glen Nevis, another popular favourite had to take to the House of Commons to announce the delay of the Meaningful Vote on the outcome of the UK’s Brexit negotiations with the European Union.

“The Government intends to proceed with the meaningful vote as soon as the Prime Minister is able to return to this Place” – Deputy Prime Minister David Lidington

Then, just as it seemed that the fabric of British society would rupture notwithstanding the desires of the Queen, the people were united by the empathy engendered by the release of the paperback of an astonishing new memoir on 22nd January…

Unflinching, mate.
“Are you sure that every word in this Year in Review is true?”

February

As the search for the Mays continued, questions began to be asked about the costs that were being incurred. Secretary of State for Scotland David Mundell indicated that he would resign if the costs of the rescue operation exceeded £30,000.

When it was pointed out that Mundell had previously backtracked on promises to resign relating to Brexit outcomes for the Common Fisheries Policy and differentiation for Northern Ireland, he upped the ante considerably.

The Viceroy speaks
“Let me be absolutely clear: In the event I don’t resign, I’ll resign.”

March

As Brexit-related turmoil continued, Gatwick Airport entered its fourth month of flight cancellation. After police had announced in December that the drone that had caused 140,000 passengers to be stranded at the airport simultaneously:

  • had been discovered; and
  • had never existed

it emerged that Gatwick itself had never existed. The so-called airport was merely a hoax conjured by mentalist and illusionist Derren Brown. Each of the 140,000 stranded “passengers” was in fact a paid actor. Brown himself had travelled in time to turn-of-the-century Ohio to deliver the plans for powered flight to the Wright brothers, Orville and Wilbur.

Derren Brown and Wilbur Wright, 1903

Meanwhile, popular favourite David Lidington returned to the House of Commons to update the country on the status of Brexit.

Go on then, you draw David Lidington from memory.
“We must honour the PM by effecting the moment of her greatest triumph on 29 March, 2019”

To be continued…

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Political Football

In recent days, I’ve been cutting down on my consumption of BBC Radio. I think that it’s incumbent upon the responsible citizen to keep themselves informed so they can participate in democracy, but I’m increasingly unsure that listening to Today or Good Morning Scotland or The World At One or PM is a good way to do that. Particularly now Eddie Mair has moved on.

Stick with me – there’s fitba and a bangin choon at the end of this one
Check the Apoplexy Tiny Letter for a soundtrack to keep you going to the bottom of the page.
Continue reading Political Football

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Judge Dread

Clearly, I was spoiled for news stories to cover last week. Even this week, and more specifically today, a lot of things I’m interested in have been cropping up.

Trump‘s been in the news a bunch, but I’m not going to spend any time on the details of that. I mean, who’s got the bandwidth to constantly maintain the rage?

Seriously. How has he not had a stroke?
A: This guy?

No, the most interesting thing I learned about Trump this week keyed into my interest in the amount of time we spent at work.

[Waste your time at work with the Apoplexy Tiny Letter.] Continue reading Judge Dread

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Apoplectic

As long-suffering readers of the blog may know, one of the potential changes a stroke survivor might go through, is an increase in the frequency of anger. The UK Stroke Association suggests meditation to ameliorate the negative emotional changes that a patient go through.

Stroke Bloke, 2009
DON’T. TELL. ME. WHAT. TO. DO.

[Maybe a jaunty ditty from the Apoplexy Newsletter might help?]

Continue reading Apoplectic

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Duchy Originals

Suffering a brain injury, and the risk of depression associated with recovering from a stroke, has left me with an interest in mental health issues. So when I came across this –

"Having glaring factual inaccuracies left me confused" – Ricky, Edinburgh
“Almost 50% of young people could not cope well with with the Guardian’s weirdly inconsistent editorial policy”

– I had to check it out.

[Read on to find out more. And check out the Apoplexy Tiny Letter.] Continue reading Duchy Originals

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The Spectre

I’m starting to think in more detail about what I’m going to do for Death Awareness Week this year.

Man, I have *got* to fix my post-1981 Disney blind spot
Everyone’s at it, you know.

I was originally turned on to Good Life, Good Death, Good Grief‘s work when Mrs Stroke Bloke and I attended a Death Café back in 2013.

[Pass the minutes before death below. And if you’re still waiting,
check out the apoplexy newsletter.
]

Continue reading The Spectre

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Doctor! Doctor!

A couple of days ago, a teacher from London won $1MM as the world’s best teacher in the Global Teacher Prize.

Algernon, apparently
In my day, Teacher didn’t even have a name!

Yeah, pay attention. You might just learn something. Today’s lesson: the arts and the art of surgery…

[For extra credit, check out the Apoplexy Newsletter.] Continue reading Doctor! Doctor!

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Life Is Life

So, in last week’s post I had a little laugh at the expense of Sir Bradley Marc Wiggins, Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire.

"That's quite lovely!"
“Dude! We’re in charge of naming British titles!”

Then I learned some new stuff. It’s good to learn new stuff. So, why not read on?

[And “Learn” “New” “Stuff” at the Apoplexy Newsletter!]

Continue reading Life Is Life

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