Tag Archives: Brexit

A Year In Review – Pt.1

Time is social. Harvests. Day and night. Diurnal clocks. Biorhythms and cycles. All that mushy wetware bio stuff I never learned but is real.

Long-suffering reader of the blog paul

The winter solstice was on Friday, and now we’re beginning the long dig out towards the long evenings of summer. So, as is traditional, let’s sit down in front of a big gold piano and reflect on the year.

Blap-Blap-Blap, beotches!
Yaas, Kween!

January (1)

As the annus horribilis that was 2018 dragged to an end, it seemed that 2019 could only be better. The Queen’s appeal that we put divisions behind us and simply make the best of what we had seemed like it was going to usher in an annus mirabilis as the newly refitted HMS Britannia prepared to begin its buccaneering voyage across an expectant world.

At home, Theresa May announced that she would be combining her passions of hiking and hating immigrants Doing Her Duty to the country by meeting the Hard-Working People of Our Precious Union™️ at the top of the highest peaks in each of Scotland, England, Wales and Northern Ireland.

“Theresa, do you remember that lovely new visitors’ centre atop Mount Snowdon?”

After the unexpected cancellation of the Mays’ trip to Snowdonia in Wales, they set off for Ben Nevis in Scotland in traditional wear for the English visitor on a day trip to the Scottish mountains – Theresa in leopard-print kitten heel hiking boots, and Dishy Philip in his preferred Savile Row suit and hipster glasses. As May Maynia gripped the country, enthusiastic Scots began their trek up the mountain…

January (2)

After the disappearance of the Mays in Glen Nevis, another popular favourite had to take to the House of Commons to announce the delay of the Meaningful Vote on the outcome of the UK’s Brexit negotiations with the European Union.

“The Government intends to proceed with the meaningful vote as soon as the Prime Minister is able to return to this Place” – Deputy Prime Minister David Lidington

Then, just as it seemed that the fabric of British society would rupture notwithstanding the desires of the Queen, the people were united by the empathy engendered by the release of the paperback of an astonishing new memoir on 22nd January…

Unflinching, mate.
“Are you sure that every word in this Year in Review is true?”

February

As the search for the Mays continued, questions began to be asked about the costs that were being incurred. Secretary of State for Scotland David Mundell indicated that he would resign if the costs of the rescue operation exceeded £30,000.

When it was pointed out that Mundell had previously backtracked on promises to resign relating to Brexit outcomes for the Common Fisheries Policy and differentiation for Northern Ireland, he upped the ante considerably.

The Viceroy speaks
“Let me be absolutely clear: In the event I don’t resign, I’ll resign.”

March

As Brexit-related turmoil continued, Gatwick Airport entered its fourth month of flight cancellation. After police had announced in December that the drone that had caused 140,000 passengers to be stranded at the airport simultaneously:

  • had been discovered; and
  • had never existed

it emerged that Gatwick itself had never existed. The so-called airport was merely a hoax conjured by mentalist and illusionist Derren Brown. Each of the 140,000 stranded “passengers” was in fact a paid actor. Brown himself had travelled in time to turn-of-the-century Ohio to deliver the plans for powered flight to the Wright brothers, Orville and Wilbur.

Derren Brown and Wilbur Wright, 1903

Meanwhile, popular favourite David Lidington returned to the House of Commons to update the country on the status of Brexit.

Go on then, you draw David Lidington from memory.
“We must honour the PM by effecting the moment of her greatest triumph on 29 March, 2019”

To be continued…

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Tour de France

For some reason, I was thinking the other day that I’ve “only” ever been to France once.

Because we're, like, super conpetemt.
“Hey, look! They’ve got the same editorial team as BBC News!

And I was thinking, maybe I should try to fix that while I still can.

[My whimsy’s just about been extinguished, tbh. Find the last of it in the Apoplexy Tiny Letter] Continue reading Tour de France

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Where Are We NOW?

We’re at the fag-end of August, almost six years after the moment that set off the series of events that would change Mrs Stroke Bloke’s and my life forever. But no doubt we’ll get to that in due course.

For now, the Edinburgh Festival has just finished and the smell of sulphur from the massive closing fireworks display that rattled our windows last night is fading.

The Devil Offers Zero-Hour Contracts
‘What? No, that was just me running my venue.’

[Check out the Apoplexy Tiny Letter, where the devil always has the best tunes.] Continue reading Where Are We NOW?

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Digesta Plaga #11

Hooray! It’s the long-anticipated return of the stroke news digest!

"When Wall Street took that tail spin, you had to stand in line to get a window to jump out of!"
Hold on – wasn’t that for Stroke Bloke leaving New York?

There have been some interesting stroke stories in the news this week, and I’d like to share them with you…

[Read on, and don’t forget to check out the Apoplexy Newsletter.] Continue reading Digesta Plaga #11

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Prime Time

1.  PRIME

I’ve been thinking a lot about Muriel Spark this week. More specifically, a Miss Jean Brodie in her prime.

So much for the creme de la creme!
I think that you’ll find I’m *currently* in my prime, Mr Stroke Bloke. Five points from Ravenclaw!

[Want to know what song to listen to while reading this week’s post?
Check out the Apoplexy Tiny Letter.
] Continue reading Prime Time

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Tangents

Man, what a week.

In chronological order

  • the Grenfell Tower fire started on the morning of 14 June killing 6 12 17 30 54 79;
  • early on 19 June, a clean-shaven white man attacked people near the Muslim Welfare House in Finsbury Park; and
  • later that day, Brexit talks between Britain and the EU began.

How many *s in "charmer"?
I always thought David Davis sounded quite charming on the Danny Baker show

[Check out the apoplexy newsletter for more knockabout fun.] Continue reading Tangents

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Prouder, Stronger, Better

Before we get started, I’d like to direct you to Marcelo’s comment to recent post Into The Trees. and the associated Wired article.

🎶You’re gonna die, you’re gonna die, you’re gonna die alone🎶
I’m pretty sure you’ve got that the wrong way round, dude.

[For more cheery, knockabout humour, check out the Apoplexy Tiny Letter] Continue reading Prouder, Stronger, Better

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Into The Trees

I guess a couple of the questions that Ghost in the Shellthe subject of last week’s post – raises are What does it mean to be human? What does it mean to be alive? And inadvertently, What does it take to turn a squat-dwelling anarchist into a willing super-weapon for a government  that used her as a disposable lab experiment?

Quick! Unplug the Channel 4 election fraud wire!
What? Oh, it’s just the quickest way to absorb BBC News.

Long-suffering readers of the blog may recall that I’m interested in what it means to be alive….

[Find more enjoyably prosaic thoughts in the Apoplexy Tiny Letter]

Continue reading Into The Trees

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A Ray of Sunshine

It has never been hard to tell the difference between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine, PG Wodehouse once wrote. And today, as the Scottish Parliament debates the merits of approaching Westminster regarding another Independence referendum and just under half of the MSPs grumble about the Scottish Government manufacturing grievances, maybe it’s time to change the stereotype?

"Is it no, aye?"
(A) A Scotsman, (B) a ray of sunshine, (C) the mighty Kingsley, or (D) all of the above?

[For more sugar, spice, and nice things, check out the Apoplexy Tiny Letter]

Continue reading A Ray of Sunshine

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Pop!

It’s Trump -2 days until The Elephant’s Nelly (throwback: 1, 2) is anointed leader of that shining city on a hill.

How do you feel? Exultant? Depressed?

Normal?

[apoplectic.me’s been a little stroke-lite recently. Not today, though. And there’s a stroke special coming next week…]

Continue reading Pop!

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