Royal Wedding Fever!!!

Do you:

  • Have trouble focussing?
  • Babble nonsensically?
  • Obsess over bunting?

If so, you might have ROYAL WEDDING FEVER!!!

Watch out for the GOOP!
Ordinary working person experiences Royal Wedding Fever

[What can you do if you experience Royal Wedding Fever?
Sign up for the Apoplexy Tiny Letter and read on…
]

I gotta tell you, I didn’t even know I had Royal Wedding Fever. As I switched on BBC Radio 4’s World At One yesterday as I was driving back from the garage, I was expecting to hear about how the Irish border question was proving to be a big sticking point in the ongoing Brexit negotiations.

I knew it was going to be a big sticking point in the ongoing Brexit negotiations because a few months ago BBC Radio News put EJ Thribb, late of Private Eye, in charge of enumerating the three items on which progress had to be made before the EU and the so-called UK [Nice use of BBC usage – Ed.] could advance to discussion of a post-Brexit trade deal.

  1. (a) Citizens’ rights and (b) the “divorce bill”.
  2. Er…
  3. That’s it. [No it’s not – Ed.]
Glug
Drowning, not waving

But I guess I must have been wrong, because no one was discussing the border between the UK and Ireland at all. At first, I assumed this absence was something to do with the fact that former Labour Leave co-chair and MP for Vauxhall Kate Hoey had been on the BBC R4 Today programme that morning suggesting that there would be no need for a border on the island of Ireland, and if there was, Ireland should pay for it. And apparently, no one on BBC R4 saw any need to challenge this.

The Spice Gits
Separated at birth?

But, no! That wasn’t the reason at all! It turned out that it had been announced that Successful Actress Meghan Markle Is To Wed A Former Soldier. Well, you say Former Soldier, I say Benefits Scrounger.

TomAYto, tomAHto, as we say in transatlantic relationships.

So enter, stage left, Radio 4’s Royal Correspondent Jonny Dymond.

Dymond Geezer.
Jonny pines for the days of the EU crushing *Greece*

I think poor Jonny must be feeling a bit Nicholas Witchell about his current gig, because he seems to be trying really hard to get himself the sack. He spent a bunch of time mentioning and returning to Meghan Markle’s speech to the UN’s Women’s Conference gender equality. And each time, he had an adjective ready.

Sassy? Really?

This is gonna work out great
Royal Wedding Special

To be fair, I hear Sassy was pretty awesome and mould-breaking if you were a tween or teen between 1988-1994.

I suppose it’ll be “interesting” to hear how this thoughtful young woman does after marrying into the royal family. Certainly more interesting than hearing whether David Davis is risking contempt of parliament and withholding information from it because the Brexit Impact Assessment Papers are:

  1. (a) Scribbled on the back of a fag packet, or (b) impossibly voluminous and terrifying; or
  2. Er…
  3. That’s it.

Although, if you answered 1, 2, or 3, you might have… ROYAL WEDDING FEVER!!!

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